My story: The night before court schedule

I’ll never forget this night in mid-March. I could barely keep an eye out, though my son had a quiet night for a change, maybe even slept through it. This happens very seldom, because it plagues seizures, spasticity and abdominal pain especially at night. Since his birth, we have only been able to sleep through a few nights. He is often very restless, has anxiety and then needs protection, security and reassurance. Often you have to relocate it several times an hour until it comes to rest. But he was quiet this particular night.
In contrast, I lived through a very restless night. Although I was not ill, I could not sleep. My feelings went crazy, sometimes I was cold, then warm again. I was scared, shaking all over. The thought carousel turned unstoppable and memories ran like a movie in my mind’s eye. I was so sick of misery and I cried, caught between hope and fear. It was a long night, the end of which I longed for on the one hand, but on the other hand was also full of fear, because I had the important court date at 9 o’clock in the morning.
This court date was the most important date of my life. It was about everything, especially about justice, and about not losing hope that there is justice. The righteousness that I had hardly experienced so far. So I wavered in the night between hope and despair, cried, prayed and cursed, questioned God’s will. I had so many questions but no answers. In this seemingly endless night so much came up in me. My childhood and adolescence, my marriage and how it went to pieces, the births of my children and especially of my son, every single step of my life.
As so often in my life, I also spent this morning and actually the entire day split off from myself. I took and endured what happened to me. That’s how I worked without letting my feelings into me.My story